


Face Death And Tell Him To Fuck Off

by 37bats



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: spoilers for episode 59 and 60
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 02:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10710258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/37bats/pseuds/37bats
Summary: Lucretia meets Death, before the THB do





	Face Death And Tell Him To Fuck Off

**Author's Note:**

> I just had an idea for this and wanted to write it out... Kravitz is still bad at his job, just as I'm still bad at titles

Lucretia had been resting, the failure at Wonderland weeks ago still plagued her mind. Her inability to reclaim the Animus Bell hurt and left a searing blow to her pride, her thoughts repeating, _you knew you couldn't do it, you're just a bookworm, just a journalist. Not an adventurer like the rest of them. You knew, and now look at you._

She spared a glance at her reflection in the mirror, still unused to her new, or rather old, face. She ran a hand down her skin for the hundredth time, fingers tensing when they touch something unfamiliar, not taut over her high cheekbones like her skin should be, but loose, wrinkled. It will take awhile to get used to. Lucretia knows that if this doesn’t work, if this time they fail, her face will return to its youthful state. But she doesn’t want another do-over. Not again.

From the corner of her office, Lucretia heard something that pulled her out of her reverie. It sounded odd, like a vacuum being ripped open. She looked over quickly and saw what seemed to be a hole in space itself, it's edges warping and frayed. Out from it stepped a man, a _person_ , dark haired, dark suit. His eyes fixed on her and her heart stuttered, afraid of who this was, how he could somehow travel through a portal onto the moon base, yet also relieved it was not The Hunger. Though she couldn't be sure, even though it took the same form every other hundred times they've encountered it, there's no telling what form it could take in this plane. She grabbed her staff and stood, brandishing it, ready for a fight, angry she could not have accomplished more sooner.

“You are Lucretia, correct?” The man says, calm but demanding. Well she’s sure now whoever this was wasn't some odd reincarnation of The Hunger. But that still doesn’t relieve the gnawing fear as she grips her staff tighter. This man knows her name, even though he _shouldn’t_.

“Who are you, how did you get here?” She grits out.

“I believe I asked first,” he pulls out a scythe from nothingness, a crooked shaft, but beautifully adorned with black feathers and some kind of bird skull. From the darkness of the corner, she could not identify what it was, but it looked to be a raven. Perhaps he was- “If you are, then we need to have a little chat regarding your death count.”

_Ah_ , Lucretia thinks, _a servant of the Raven Queen_. She had been expecting this. Dying so many times over the course of a hundred years would raise some questions from the Astral Plane.

“Currently you have died-”

“Twenty-three times, I'm aware,” she interrupts him, which to her surprise, seemed to take him back a bit. The shock only lasts for a second, his face now taking on the same expression it had before.

“So you know why I'm here,” he says, setting the scythe flush to his right side, tucked under his arm. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but first I'd like to know how.”

“How what?” Lucretia asks, standing a little less stiff, but still ready for an attack.

“How you died so many times but are still here. I don't sense any necromancy magic from you, and you don’t at all seem like a lich, so I'm curious.”

So he just wants to talk, at least for now. Lucretia can distract him for a bit until she can think of a plan to get out of this situation. She still has so much to do, so many people to save, she _needs more time_ . So she tells him, about the IPRE, The Hunger, how her and her crew escaped so many times only to be caught in the same black ichor that drowns them each and every time, everywhere they go. She belatedly thinks of Davenport, afraid that the reaper may try to take him too. He has no memories of _anything_ , and if she can't even save him…

She refused to relent, and tells the reaper as such

“So you decide to go the hard way, hm? They always do, make my job harde-”

“No, I'm not going at all,” she says stiffly, “You listen, like hell I'm dying now, especially when I can save not only this plane, but all others. Even yours.”

With that, he pauses, considering something. His face darkens, then fades away, skin replaced with an off-white skull, eyes glowing. His cowl flows over the top of his head and obscures the rest of him. His form takes that which she had expected of death, and though her heart tightens from fear, she stands steady. “I can't leave without my bounty, you know.”

“And _I_ can't leave without fulfilling my duty,” she strides over, shoving her staff towards the man’s neck, “If you take me, you'll regret it. The planes will fall and be swallowed up by darkness You'll have nothing left. Your Queen will die.”

Though he no longer had the capacity to make expressions, his red eyes glowed brighter, signaling a growing rage. “Is that a threat?”

“I'm not the one your Queen should be afraid of,” she pushes her staff closer to his neck, it's end practically lodged in his lower jaw, “but you should,” she bares her teeth in a low growl.

His eyes fade a bit, hands actually up in a defensive position. He looks intimidated by her, _Lucretia_ of all people. Perhaps it was her new appearance that gave off a more powerful air around her.

“H-hey, watch it, I'm just doing my job,” he swallows, somehow, but his voice sounds… different.

“What happened to your accent?” She asked, confused.

His eyes go up to the ceiling and he looks embarrassed, like he was just caught stealing from the cookie jar. “It's. I put on that accent when I'm talking to my bounties,” he admits, bashful.

Lucretia lowers her guard, now, looking at him incredulously.

“If I, uh,” he clears his throat, putting on a different accent, one more Dracula-esque, “if I change up my accent it confuses my prey!”

Lucretia snorts before realizing she still practically had her life on the line (though at this point she feels a little doubtful over the reaper's abilities) she bites down on her lower lip to prevent a smile from breaking over her face. “I can also do sound effects-”

“Shut up,” Lucretia says forcefully, though she's sure her voice is still wavering from laughter, “I want you off of this base, _now.”_

The reaper sighs, even though he doesn't have any lungs to breathe through, and asks, “Given that you're telling the truth here, I'll let you go, _but_ ,” he pulls skin over his face again, looking the same as he did a few minutes ago, “I'm giving you a time limit. If The Hunger or whatever you call it doesn't come within… how long would it be?”

“Two years, just about, but I can't be sure,” she answers

“Right, two years. If two years pass and there's no sign of The Hunger and the planes don't explode, you're coming with me. Deal?” He holds out a now flesh covered hand

She pulls her staff away, and looks at his hand. There's no doubt this is the best option, but she isn't sure she can trust him completely.

“You can trust me, I swear on my Queen,” he holds himself with dignity, even if he probably doesn't have any. And any extraplanar servant to swear on their god, especially one as just as the Raven Queen, she feels can be trusted. Lucretia takes his hand.

* * *

 

Lucretia was strolling across the courtyard, taking in the fresh moon air, when she spots him. Her blood runs cold seeing the reaper standing against a wall, looking at his wrist. She freezes where she stands, but something about this scenario feels off. First, two years hadn't passed since their first encounter, second, if he was coming for her, he wouldn't have to wait outside like this, and third, he's without his scythe. Lucretia can't understand why he would be here, just _standing_ there, waiting for something. He then looks up in her direction, and her previously icy blood boils with anger. If he has broken his promise…

He looks shocked of all things, holding up his hands defensively again, like he did that night. She paces over as quickly as her old legs can take her, and demands, “Why are you here?”

“This isn't- it's not what you think, I'm here on… other business,” he stutters out.

“Woah hey! Busted, huh?” Lucretia hears a familiar voice come from a few feet away. She turns to see Taako walking up to the two of them. “Sorry Director, kind of snuck the dude up here without your permission, but don't even worry about it! He doesn't need to be inoculated, you see he's-”

“He's death,” she finishes for Taako, “He's from another plane, the Voidfish wouldn't work on him.”

“Oh so you already know, good, good, less for me to explain,” he smiles, then looks between the two of them, “Sensing some bad vibes here, something up that I'm not in the know about?”

She feels beyond skeptical that Taako doesn't understand the danger he's in, “He is _death_ , Taako, why are you-”

“Oh don't even worry about that! You see, bone boy and I worked out a deal. No bounty on the reclaimers, so no worries!”

Lucretia drops her shoulders, fully understanding, knowing her own deal. “But may I ask why he's here? He said he had 'business’, and I'm afraid I can't allow any of his practices in this base unless he would like to speak to _me_ personally.” She sees the man gulp out of the corner of her eye, but Taako just laughs.

“Kravitz is just here for a little hang sesh, no biggie,” he waves his hand, then leans in closer to Lucretia, wanting her to come closer, “I don't think he wants to call it a date but it like, practically is.”

“Taako, please,” the reaper (or Kravitz, his name apparently was) whines.

Lucretia laughs, despite herself, “Of course you would,” she chortles, “of course…”

Her reclaimers– no, her companions, through differing worlds, through hell and high water– were the most incredible people she has ever met. For one of them to seduce _death itself_ , somehow felt unsurprising.

She left the two to their devices, knowing Taako would be safe on his own, still smiling to herself. Perhaps she could even befriend Kravitz, if she’s able to save everyone this time. No, she _will_ save everyone, and have a nice chat with death over tea. As strange as it sounds, it would certainly make her happy. She’s come to accept some things as they are. As long as the reclaimers are happy, she can’t help but feel the same.

* * *

 

(“So I'm guessing you know Kravitz? How come?”

“I have quite the death count as well.”

“Jeez, what did _you_ do. Or can you not remember either?”

“I'll… tell you someday.”

“You better, cause there's still shit you never tell us.”

“Don't worry, I promise I will.”)


End file.
